Sat. Jun 12th, 2021

Do You Want This Marriage to Go On?

If none of what you have tried so far with couple therapy has worked, you may need to try SOMETHING DIFFERENT, and what could this DIFFERENT be?

What else can you do to solve the problems, to have your wishes fulfilled, and to achieve your goals with the relationship?

The way things are with you, you have an idea or believe something about your problem. You have an idea about how to approach your problem.

You will have to start with your own feelings, which means, it is up to you to figure out what are your own feelings, what do you want, and what are your own wants. It is vital to figure out your own wants first and then figure out what are your own needs and what is going on with your relationship.

As we all know, emotions are a real fact of life – it is how we handle them, which will make them useful. If you feel that you have an unhealthy relationship (usundt parforhold) then that is a fact.

If you approach your partner with the knowledge that you are having a DIFFERENT conversation, you will not be so surprised when your partner has to step in, make a decision, and start ACTING funny. You will not be surprised when they act as they are – at least they will know this is what you want. They will know it is how you have approached the conversation and the subject so far. They will know you are willing to be open, honest and vulnerable about your feelings. When they step in – you can say you had hoped this conversation might be different, that you are open to different things being discussed, but when they make a decision, you know it is your ideas and not their that have been rejected. You will know you have been honest and willing to show how you really feel, so that there is no doubt that they don’t want to leave, they want to stay.

In the coming days, weeks and months, you will really need to think deeply about this. It is the questions that you don’t ask and the ones you ask carefully, that will truly make all the difference. One of the main questions is: “Do you want this marriage to go on?” If your partner says they do, then you must not say anything negative about it. Saying, “It doesn’t matter, you can choose to stay or go,” can be a trap because it gives your partner an incentive to stay for its own sake, but if you say, “Do you want this marriage to go on?” then they will naturally want to stay for you. So when you ask, “Do you want this marriage to go on?” (with kontrollerende adfærd) make sure you ask, “Are you willing to go into more detail and discuss the reasons why if I’ve asked the wrong question?” If they really want to stay, they will be honest about it. If they don’t, you will get another couple of weeks or months and it will be all over.

There is no such thing as a marriage counselling session. If they come to you, you are paying for them to give you advice, but if you get the wrong advice then you are paying for it, with more pain and anguish in your life. If you get the right advice, then you will know that you were truly given a heads up and would not have been caught unaware. As with most things in life, you get what you pay for. If you want to stay in this marriage and avoid more pain, anguish and disappointment, then understand the prices you are paying and what you are receiving.

When you choose to follow the advice of others, then follow the advice, even though it may seem obvious and straight-forward. Make sure you pay attention to the speaker and don’t miss the point. There is one rule of thumb in most things in life. It’s that it is better to get advice and follow advice than to get advice and argue about it.